


I’ll be there for the highs and lows

by Slvrdragon1090



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Coping, Established Relationship, Harry Needs a Hug, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-25 00:00:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20714732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slvrdragon1090/pseuds/Slvrdragon1090
Summary: Severus helps Harry through an anxiety attack.  I wrote this to get the feelings out of my head.





	I’ll be there for the highs and lows

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "I'll Be There" by Walk Off the Earth

I’ll be there for the highs and lows

There were some days that he just didn’t fit in his skin. The flesh stretched across his bones in an uncomfortably tight bind that made it hard to breathe. Today was one of those days, he knew it the moment he woke up, even before he opened his eyes. He let out a whine of displeasure that sounded like a wounded animal and roused his bed partner.

“Mmmm.” His husband groaned a bit at being woken up but pulled Harry tighter to his chest and tried to bury his face back into the top of Harry’s head and continue to sleep.

Harry shifted uncomfortably against the bigger man, the hold was making every tighter and worse, but having him there felt better at the same time. He didn’t know what feeling to hold on to and subsequently pushed the man away before pulling him close and repeating the actions.

Finally, the other man stirred fully awake and took in the situation. They were in the dungeons of Hogwarts, in the bedroom of their shared rooms. A quick “tempus” showed it was scarcely past three in the morning.

“Love?” Severus mumbled, his low voice gravelly with sleep and being awoken two hours early than he normally roused.

Harry whined again, he felt trapped and panic was rising in his chest, constricting his breathing further. His nails dug into Severus’ skin hard enough to leave angry red half moons across his shoulders. Severus tried to shift back and see him better, but Harry held him tighter. He wanted to tell the man not to leave, scream that he wasn’t okay, beg him to help, but the words were lodged in his throat. Instead he pried his eyes open and met the obsidian orbs in front of him, putting all his emotions into his expressive green eyes, trying to make his husband understand without words. It almost worked.

“Oh Love, it’s alright.” His husband’s hands shifted to rub up and down his back in soothing patterns. “You’re having a panic attack.”

Harry shook his head and tried to curl up into a ball against Severus’ chest. Maybe the smaller he made himself the smaller these feelings would become and they would then disappear.

Severus seemed to understand the problem then. Without leaving Harry’s side he wandlessly summoned a muggle weighted blanket and tucked it over and around his young husband.

Since the war had ended Harry had become increasingly prone to panic attacks, night terrors, and these bouts of, what they had dubbed, internal claustrophobia. It was this last type of attack that Harry suffered from most frequently. A healer had tried to explain it to Severus when Harry had ended up in St. Mungo’s after a particularly bad attack, before Severus had learned how to help his husband. It had been mere months after they had been married, now nearly five years ago.

The healer had asked if Harry could explain to his husband how the claustrophobia felt, what went through his mind at the time, but he couldn’t and couldn’t stand being in the room when the healer explained the symptoms and causes of the feelings to Severus. It was only when they transitioned to discussing techniques to help Harry that he was able to remain in the room without being triggered.

Severus, who had a history of depression and anxiety, had not fully understood at first, but made it his mission to learn everything he could to help his young husband and ease the suffering and frequency of the attacks. The healer had described the condition to him mostly in emotions: shortness of breath, rapid heartbeat, a feeling of not fitting in your skin, feelings of being crushed and squeezed from the inside. Severus had been heartbroken to learn that Harry had been dealing with these episodes since Voldemort had risen at the end of his forth year at Hogwarts, and that after his fall they had not stopped.

The only treatment option the healer suggested that Harry protested was any kind of potion or medication. He had confessed to Severus later that he had become addicted to the dreamless sleep potion in his eight year when the previous seventh years had returned after Voldemort’s defeat to complete their schooling. Only Ron and Hermione had known about the addiction and had helped him recover, but Harry knew he couldn’t take anything that would numb him emotionally or lessen the pain or he would relapse.

So they had found alternatives, some magical and some muggle. Severus created an herbal tea that contained a myriad of calming herbs including chamomile and lavender. They had also found the use of heating charms helpful once Harry described that sometimes during and attack it felt like ice water was running through his veins and no amount of blankets or body heat could help. Severus had even gone to a muggle library repeatedly one summer and to research what they did to curb symptoms like those Harry experienced.

He had found that darkness usually helped, which was easy since their shared rooms were in the dungeons, but still Severus had adjusted the few magical windows in the rooms to change to starry skies when Harry was struggling. The best thing his husband had found in the muggle world was the existence of weighted blankets. They were large blankets filled with different kinds of tiny beads that were evenly distributed through the material through the grid-like stitching pattern. They ranged in weight and the weights were recommended for different heights and needs. Severus had purchased three ranging from fifteen pounds to thirty pounds. Most of the time the one in the middle, at 20 pounds, was Harry’s favorite. He could curl up under it, against Severus, and wait for the storm in his body and mind to pass as he concentrated on breathing.

Now Severus finished tucking the dark grey blanket around any exposed skin so Harry couldn’t feel the chill of the dungeons, leaving only the top of his head showing. He cast a light heating charm over the blanket and ran his fingers through Harry’s raven locks.

“Any better?” He asked, keeping his voice at little more than a whisper.

Harry, still unable to bring himself to speak around the snitch lodged in this throat nodded once.

“Would you like some tea?” Severus offered.

Harry shook his head violently and curled his fingers tighter around Severus’ arms and tried to snuggle closer. He let out another whine of discontent and Severus felt it like someone was squeezing his heart.

He pulled the younger man in closer and shushed him. “I’m not going anywhere. It is Sunday, neither of us are required to leave our rooms today.”

Harry let out a sigh. Finally, his heart was beating a little slower and while his skin still felt two sizes too small, he didn’t feel the urge to try to scratch it off to give himself more room.

Hours later they were still in the same position; Harry was dozing slightly and Severus had a potions journal hovering in front of him with a small candle burning to read by.

“Severus?” Harry spoke for the first time that day.

“Yes, Love?”

“Thank you.” Harry pressed his face firmly over Severus’ heart and placed a small kiss to the skin of his chest.

“Always,” he said, one hand stroking back through the raven hair.

“Love you.” Harry mumbled, finally drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

“And I love you.” Severus said, a small but genuine smile crossing his lips. He bent down, pressed a kiss to the top of Harry’s head and resumed his reading. There was no where else he needed or wanted to be right then.

End.


End file.
